How to Overcome Pet Resentment After Welcoming a Newborn: Tips for Balancing Pets and Parenting
Becoming a parent is a wild ride. It’s a mix of joy, exhaustion, and constant change—and that’s just the baby, not even considering the other members of the family. If you’re a pet parent, one of the toughest transitions you might face is how to balance the needs of your furry friend with the overwhelming demands of a newborn. For many, a feeling of resentment can start to creep in—toward the pet that’s always been your loyal companion. It can feel overwhelming, and you’re not alone if you’re struggling with it.
You love your pet, you really do. But sometimes, it’s hard not to feel that little pang of frustration when your dog’s constant barking interrupts the baby’s nap, or when your cat is suddenly extra needy and demanding attention at the worst possible times. It’s a complicated emotion—one that can come with a mix of guilt, grief, and even anger. Let’s take a deep dive into this experience, so you know you’re not alone, and talk about ways to ease the tension and find a balance.
“Happiness is a warm puppy… until that puppy wakes your sleeping newborn.”
– Modern Parenting Proverb
The Guilt and Frustration Are Real: What’s Going On?
Postpartum depression (PPD) and postpartum anxiety can leave new parents feeling overwhelmed by the demands of a baby, which can spill over into their relationship with their pets. Many parents report a surge of resentment toward their pets after bringing home a new baby. This feeling isn’t about not loving your pet anymore—it’s about being stretched too thin and feeling like there’s not enough of you to go around. Suddenly, the dog that used to be your best buddy seems like another thing to worry about, and you might even start questioning if your pet would be better off with another family that can give them more attention.
For some, it’s the little things that become big sources of irritation. Maybe you never minded your dog’s enthusiastic licking before, but now it feels like an endless distraction. Or, if your dog is prone to barking, it might start to get on your last nerve, especially when you’re trying to keep the baby asleep. Throw in the stress of juggling baby care, household responsibilities, and your pet’s needs, and it’s easy to see how resentment can sneak in.
It’s Not Just You—Your Pet Might Be Feeling It Too
What many new parents don’t realize is that the arrival of a baby doesn’t just affect their own emotional state—it can also have a huge impact on their pets. A lot of the frustration new parents feel comes from the fact that their dog’s behavior changes, too. According to a survey, nearly 97% of dog owners reported that their dog’s behavior shifted when a baby entered the picture. While some of this is likely due to the changing dynamics and the parent’s own perception, it’s also true that many dogs do undergo behavioral changes in response to the new family member.
Common Behavioral Shifts in Dogs After Baby Arrives
- Increased Protectiveness: Roughly 40% of respondents said their dogs became more protective of the baby. While this can be endearing (who doesn’t love a snuggly photo of a dog and baby together?), it can also lead to issues like aggression or possessiveness, especially if your dog growls at other people near the baby.
- Clinginess and Neediness: About 38% of pet parents noticed that their dogs became more clingy after the baby arrived. If your once-independent pup is now following you everywhere, it might be their way of seeking reassurance amid all the changes.
- Jealousy: Dogs can also get jealous of the new baby, and about 36% of parents said their dog’s jealousy was a challenge. This jealousy can lead to behaviors like pushing the baby aside for attention or even showing aggression when they’re feeling left out.
- Increased Anxiety or Fear: Some dogs, particularly those with more sensitive temperaments, may start acting out due to the disruption in their routines. Signs like excessive panting, avoiding eye contact, or even changes in bathroom habits can signal that your pet is feeling stressed by the changes.
The Resentment Can Feel Like a Spiral
Feeling frustrated or even angry toward your pet is a natural response when you’re overwhelmed, and it’s something that many new parents experience. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your dog, but rather that the pressure of balancing everything is starting to take a toll. Many pet parents admit to feeling guilt over their resentment, especially because they feel like they should just “handle it”—after all, they loved their dog before the baby, so why should things change?
But here’s the thing: it’s okay to feel frustrated, and it’s okay to admit that you’re struggling. Becoming a parent is a huge adjustment, and so is adjusting to life with a baby and a pet in the mix.
My Personal Struggle Balancing Baby and Pet Needs
When my baby girl was born, I quickly realized how challenging it was to balance the needs of my newborn and two dogs, especially with one still full of puppy energy. At first, the resentment crept in. But alongside that frustration was a deep sense of guilt. I just couldn’t give my dogs the attention they were used to anymore, and it felt heartbreaking.
During those early weeks, the dogs were constantly underfoot, nudging me for attention or following me around, and it often pushed me to the edge. I was already stretched thin with the demands of the baby, and their constant neediness made me feel like I was failing them. I knew they still had everything they needed—food, water, and access to the backyard—but it was hard not to feel that I was neglecting their emotional needs.
To make sure they still felt loved, I’d try to sneak in moments with them when I could. Whenever guests came over to meet our baby, I’d sit on the floor and pet or play with the dogs, hoping that some attention would remind them they were still important to me. Even when I was feeding the baby, I’d do my best to pet them with one hand, trying to create those small connections. But no matter how hard I tried, it never felt like enough.
Their world had just changed drastically, and they were confused and needy. While I knew things would get easier when our baby was old enough to interact with them, I also had to admit that it was impossible to give them the same level of attention they were used to. So, for now, we made do with doggy daycare and regular walks to help them feel loved and engaged.
How to Manage Pet Resentment and Make It Work
The good news is that this phase doesn’t last forever. Over time, most parents find their way to a place where the balance between baby and pet feels more manageable. Here are some practical tips to help ease the transition and foster a positive relationship with both your baby and your pet:
- Set Boundaries for Your Pet: Just as you set boundaries with your baby (no matter how hard it might be), it’s important to do the same with your pet. Preparing your pet before the baby arrives can help ease the transition. For instance, take your dog for walks with an empty stroller so they can get used to the sight and sound of it before the baby is inside.
- Create a Safe Space for Your Pet: Make sure your dog has a quiet space they can retreat to, away from the hustle and bustle of the baby. This will give them a sense of security and reduce stress. It’s also a great way to make sure your pet has time to themselves, especially when things get chaotic.
- Supervise All Interactions: Even if your dog is generally calm around babies, always supervise interactions. Babies, as cute as they are, can be unpredictable, and dogs might get overstimulated or nervous, especially when they’re still adjusting to the changes in their environment.
- Take Time for One-on-One Attention: Schedule small pockets of time where you can focus solely on your pet. Whether it’s a short walk, some playtime, or simply petting them while the baby naps, these moments of connection can help reassure your dog that they are still an important part of the family.
- Reach Out for Help: If your pet’s behavior is becoming more challenging (like showing signs of aggression or extreme anxiety), don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional. A veterinarian, certified dog trainer, or veterinary behaviorist can provide tailored advice and help you manage any issues that arise.
- Be Kind to Yourself: Finally, don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s okay if things aren’t perfect, and it’s okay if you feel overwhelmed. The transition from pet parent to full-time parent is huge, and it’s normal for everyone—including the dog—to need some time to adjust.
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Final Thoughts
The reality is that life with a baby and a pet can be tough at times. You might find yourself feeling resentful, frustrated, or guilty, and that’s okay. The key is to give yourself grace, acknowledge the changes happening both in your home and in your relationship with your pet, and take proactive steps to make the transition smoother.
Remember, it’s not about loving your pet any less. It’s about learning to navigate a new phase of life where everyone—baby, pet, and parent—can thrive together. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough.
References
- https://www.dogmeetsbaby.expert/post/help-i-resent-my-dog
- https://manypets.com/us/blog/dogs-and-babies/
- https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/babies/aussie-experts-advice-for-new-parents-hit-by-pet-resentment/news-story/8307bfb0b7b07237fc1566609463ec4f?amp
- https://www.sfgate.com/pets/yourwholepet/article/When-new-parents-start-hating-their-pets-2464543.php
