Mom-Shaming Stops Here: Building a Supportive Parenting Community in 2025
Parenting is hard, really hard! Whether you’re up at 2 a.m. with a baby who just won’t sleep or running around trying to juggle school pick-ups, after-school activities, and the general chaos of life, it often feels like you can’t catch your breath. So why is it that, in the middle of all this, we sometimes turn on each other? Why do we, as moms, feel the need to judge and critique one another’s choices, especially when we’re all just doing our best to survive this crazy ride of motherhood?
If you’ve ever found yourself scrolling through social media, looking at other moms’ posts and feeling that subtle pressure to measure up—or worse, finding yourself judging another mom’s choices—you’re not alone. The reality is, judgment among moms is a cultural phenomenon that runs deep. But why is this the case, and what can we do about it? Let’s dive in and unpack it.
The Roots of Judgment: A Perfect Storm of Pressure
To understand why moms can be so critical of one another, it’s helpful to look at the larger cultural context that shapes parenting in America. The first major factor? The pressure to be perfect.
In a world where “doing it all” is celebrated and perfection is often idealized, many of us have internalized the belief that there’s a “right” way to parent, and anyone who strays from that path is somehow doing it wrong. Whether it’s the choice to breastfeed versus bottle-feed, the decision to work outside the home versus stay at home, or whether or not you co-sleep, every decision seems to come with an invisible set of standards attached to it.
We all want to be good moms, and sometimes, it can feel like the only way to prove that is to make the “right” choices—whatever that means. And so, we turn that pressure outward, critiquing others in a way that, deep down, we hope will reflect our own parenting choices as the “better” ones.
But here’s the thing: there is no one-size-fits-all in parenting. What works for one family might not work for another. And yet, societal expectations and the rise of “mommy wars” can create an environment where any deviation from the so-called norm feels like a personal attack. It’s not that we’re inherently judgmental, but the environment often nudges us in that direction.
Social Media: A Double-Edged Sword
Let’s not kid ourselves—social media plays a huge role in fueling this judgment. When we scroll through perfectly curated feeds of other moms’ lives, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling short. Everything looks so effortless, from those perfectly coordinated family photos to the immaculate home decor. But here’s the dirty secret: social media is a highlight reel, not the full picture.
Seeing a mom post about her kid’s A+ on a test or their spotless house can make us feel like we’re failing in comparison, even though we know deep down that these are just fleeting snapshots. And yet, the comparison trap can be hard to escape. We start to question ourselves: “Am I doing enough? Am I raising my kids right?” And when those questions swirl around in our minds, we may end up projecting our insecurities by judging other moms. It’s like a defense mechanism—if I’m struggling, then at least I can convince myself that my choices are better than someone else’s.
But here’s the truth: every mom is on her own unique journey. The mom who looks like she has it all together might be struggling in ways you can’t see. So, let’s promise to stop comparing and start supporting each other instead.
The Pressure to Be Supermom
There’s another layer to this judgment: the pervasive myth of the “supermom.” American culture loves to tout the idea that moms should be everything to everyone—working, parenting, keeping up with the house, and still managing to look put-together. This unrealistic standard creates an internal competition among moms, where we feel like we have to prove we can do it all, all the time.
If you’ve ever been to a playdate or a moms’ group and felt like you weren’t measuring up to the others, you’re not alone. It’s easy to get sucked into the trap of thinking you need to have it all together, but the reality is that no one does. Everyone has their struggles, their days when they feel like they’re barely holding it together. And yet, instead of recognizing that, we often use judgment as a way to mask our own insecurities.
So why do we judge other moms? Sometimes, it’s because we’re looking for reassurance that we’re doing things right. If we see someone else doing something differently, we might convince ourselves that we’re on the “correct” path, even if it’s not necessarily the truth.
“To be a mother is to be forever vulnerable, yet infinitely strong.”
– Brené Brown
Shifting the Narrative: From Judgment to Support
The good news is, we have the power to change this narrative. Instead of being critical of each other, we can choose to support one another. Instead of looking for differences and judging others for their choices, we can focus on the things we have in common. We’re all moms, trying to do our best, and the truth is, we all need a little grace.
Here are a few tips to help us shift from judgment to empathy:
- Remember the Big Picture
When you feel the urge to judge, take a step back and remember the bigger picture. Every mom is doing what works for her family. What’s right for you may not be right for someone else, and that’s okay. Parenting isn’t a competition—it’s a journey. - Offer Encouragement Instead of Criticism
Instead of pointing out what someone could be doing differently, offer a word of encouragement. A simple “You’re doing great” can go a long way in lifting another mom up and creating a supportive environment. - Be Honest About Your Own Struggles
Vulnerability is a powerful tool. When you open up about your own challenges, it creates space for others to do the same. Moms often feel isolated, but when we share our struggles—whether it’s about work-life balance, sleep deprivation, or feelings of guilt—we create opportunities for connection. - Focus on Connection, Not Comparison
It’s easy to get caught up in the “I should be doing that” mindset, especially on social media. But try to focus on the positives. Instead of comparing your journey to someone else’s, look for ways to connect and learn from each other. We’re all figuring it out as we go. - Practice Self-Compassion
This one’s crucial. Judging others often comes from a place of self-doubt. If we’re hard on ourselves, we tend to project that judgment onto others. Be kind to yourself. You don’t have to be perfect, and neither does anyone else. We’re all in this together.
A Personal Lesson in Judgment
It’s natural to think, “I’d do better if I were in that situation,” especially when you see someone struggling. I used to have those “I could do it better” moments—kind of like when you’re watching a cake decorating competition on TV. You see someone make a mistake, and you immediately think, How could they not see that? But the truth is, we’re only seeing a tiny part of the story. We don’t know the history, the pressure, or all the behind-the-scenes details.
Before I became a mom, I would judge parenting choices thinking I’d handle things differently. But once I got pregnant, my perspective shifted completely. The pressure on American moms is immense—we’re often expected to have it all together, with perfectly behaved kids and spotless homes. Sadly, much of this pressure comes from other women. I, too, was one of those women, raised by a mom who seemed to effortlessly juggle it all. I wondered why everyone else couldn’t figure it out, not realizing how much she sacrificed to make it look easy.
What I didn’t see back then was the support my aunt gave or her waking up at 4am to get a head start. Once I had my first child, I began to understand just how hard motherhood truly is. I look back now and wish I could tell my pre-parenting self to be kinder, less quick to judge, and more understanding. Parenting is messy, and there’s no “perfect” way to do it.
I hope my honesty will encourage others to not feel pressured by society’s impossible standards.
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Final Thoughts: Let’s Lift Each Other Up
In the end, it’s easy to slip into judgment when we feel overwhelmed or unsure of our own choices. But it’s important to remember that every mom’s journey is different, and every family has their own unique needs. Instead of judging, let’s aim to create a culture of support, encouragement, and understanding. The world needs more moms who lift each other up—because when we do, we all thrive.
